Black Pudding Swiss Roll

Like many great chefs, I seek to explore the relationship between the senses. I find that presenting the eyes with one thing and the taste buds with another creates a fascinating incongruity - and if executed skilfully, an unforgettable dining experience. I take great satisfaction not only from creating something wonderful and unique, but also from the joy and delight on the faces of those who I am lucky enough to share the experience with.
Jerry Fishbiscuits, 2013.

So that's why I made a swiss roll with black pudding in it.

I found a basic recipe for savoury swiss roll online (which was essentially just self raising flour with whisked eggs) and added some bacon - cooked to a crisp and finely chopped - to the mixture. The thin layer of sponge only took ten minutes or so to cook.

I made the filling from a few slices of cooked black pudding mixed with a little bit of thickened beef stock, and briefly whizzed it up in the blender. The plan was to spread the black pudding "puree" over the sponge and neatly roll it up... but it didn't quite go according to plan. The sponge was tough and rubbery, bordering on inedible, and it actually split when I tried to roll it. My heart sank, as I realised that my latest creation was headed for a complete disaster.

However, my wife happens to be an expert swiss roll maker. And despite firmly believing that my black pudding swiss roll sounded completely disgusting, she saved the day by whipping up another batch of sponge batter in record time. Ten minutes later, it came out of the oven... light, soft, and delicious. What a woman!

Is the world ready yet for the black pudding swiss roll? Well, where better to try it out than the "Band Of Bakers" summer picnic. It was initially met with a few looks of disbelief, but I think it went down pretty well in the end - and I must admit that it was a pretty good match for a nice cold beer.

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Jalfrizza

Many years ago, a friend told me that you could make quick, tasty pizzas using naan bread as a base. And it's a tip which has served me well over the years - just spread with tomato paste, herbs, cheese, and whatever stuff you have lying around, and shove into the oven.

But today, I'm taking this concept a step further. Taking inspiration from this long-standing nugget of wisdom, I have created a brand new "recipe" - the Jalfrezi Pizza. To make a Jalfrizza, if you will need:

• Large garlic naan
• Chicken tikka jalfrezi (takeaway is perfect)
• Onion bhaji
• Paneer
• Tomato puree
• Coriander (optional)

To make the sauce for the pizza, separate out all the sauce you can from the curry, and mix with tomato puree. Then spread liberally over the bread.

Add a layer of paneer onto the pizza, then top with the pieces of meat, vegetables, and chilli from the jalfrezi. Finish with chunks of onion bhaji, and if you're feeling elaborate, some fresh coriander.

Put it in the oven at a pretty hot temperature for a few minutes - as a rough guide, at 220 for 10 minutes, it comes out a bit burned. Enjoy with a nice cold bottle of IPA (Indian Pizza Ale).

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Juicy Lucy Burger

The "Juicy Lucy" is a burger with cheese stuffed inside of it, instead of placed on the top like a regular cheeseburger. An American invention (naturally), the result is a huge slab of a burger, packed with hot molten cheese. Guaranteed to cause a mess, and quite possibly scold the roof of your mouth.

So far so good. But this wasn't enough for me, I wanted my own unique twist, something that would really pack a flavour. I considered a few different options, until I settled on a sort of "Tex-Mex" theme... hot chili tomato sauce on one side of the burger, and guacamole on the other.

I made the spicy sauce by frying chopped onion and chili, adding black pepper and cumin, then chucking in some tomato puree, ketchup, Tabasco, and chopped coriander.

The burger was made by sandwiching a big lump of cheese (Cheddar and Gouda) in between two large burgers, and pressing the edges together while it cooked. I squashed the whole thing down as much as possible, but it was still a gargantuan burger. I actually had to put it in the oven to make sure it was cooked through.

This monstrosity - placed between a toasted bun with generous dollops of guacamole and the spicy tomato stuff - is a whole meal in itself. No chips or onion rings necessary, just a comfy chair and a nice cold beer.

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Weekend in Iceland

My little corner of South London has seen it's fair share of change over the last few years. Scruffy old man's pubs were slowly turned into bars and gastropubs. Cafes, delis and boutiques sprung up. A posh butcher and a fishmonger arrived, and familiar chain stores started to move in. And now, it looks like the long standing Iceland store is going to be transformed into an M&S "Simply Food", sparking much debate in the local community.

On one side of the fence, you can almost hear people gleefully rubbing their hands with the smug anticipation of rising house prices. Not to mention the prospect of loading up on seafood paella, "gastropub" chunky chips, superfood salads, and Belgian chocolate melt-in-the-middle puddings on their way home from work. None of these items, as far as I am aware, are available from Iceland. But others argue that Iceland is a valuable resource for those of us with less cash to spare.

I admit, I hadn't been inside the store in well over ten years. The only occasion I could remember was when I first arrived here, and I emerged with three packets of biscuits and some paper plates. But although I'm not a regular Iceland customer, I probably won't use the new M&S all that much either... so I'm open minded about the change. I decided to pay another visit to Iceland before it disappeared, so I could see what I'll be missing.

The in-store Experience

The shop has obviously not been updated in at least 25 years, the beige tiles and abundant orange trim are guaranteed to put off the chattering classes and image conscious young professionals. The front of the store has a small section of fresh fruit, veg and dairy, but this looked similar to any other supermarket, and the prices seemed no lower. This was not the reason for my visit. I walked over to the expansive frozen foods section... this was the stuff.

"Excuse me," I said meekly to an employee (with a strange residue around her mouth, as if she'd been drinking Yop straight from the bottle). "Where can I find the chicken tikka lasagne"?
"I dunno. Where do you normally find it?" came the rather bizzare answer.

Eventually I found what I was looking for, and also picked up a few other items that tickled my fancy. A doner kebab pizza. Microwavable chicken strips. Sweet and sour chicken (with rice) for one. Despite the fact that the store was almost deserted, the checkout queue was pretty slow as there was only one till open. But eventually I left the store with enough food for the weekend, for a grand total of £3.75. You would be hard pushed to buy a single meal in M&S for that sort of money.

Chicken Tikka Lasagne

I was getting hungry, and decided to start with the signature dish, chicken tikka lasagne. Despite the unsavoury memory of Kerry Katona advertising this on TV, I eagerly stuck it in the microwave for the recommended duration. It came out looking rather anemic, so I put it under the grill for a couple of minutes, and turned it out onto a plate.

First of all, any curry lover can see straight away that this does not even vaguely resemble chicken tikka. What we have between the layers of pasta is bog standard chicken curry, which would probably be fine as a jacket potato topping, for instance. But curry with cheese sauce is not a combination I would have personally put together (and that's saying something). Still, it is not as unpleasant as popular opinion would have you believe, and I actually ate most of it.

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Microwavable Chicken Strips

I was particularly cynical about this one. You simply pop open the box, and stick it in the microwave for three minutes. Surely they couldn't possibly emerge crispy? And guess what - they didn't. They came out limp, soggy, and chewy.

The reformed chicken pieces had the texture of polystyrene coated in porrige. I was reminded of the damp microwave chips my Mum used to give us as an after school "treat". They were a bad idea, and so was this. I only managed to eat 1 piece.

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Doner Kebab Pizza

This one actually sounded like something I might want to eat. I had a renewed enthusiasm for the doner kebab after my recent attempt at making my own, and saw no reason why it couldn't work on top of a pizza.

The pizza was of the "deep pan" variety, with an inch thick base of stodgy bread. It felt strangely nostalgic - this is the kind of food I was raised on. I guess that explains a lot. But it also reminded me how much British food has improved over the last 20 years. The cheese had the texture of melted cheese, but tasted of nothing. The doner kebab pieces, even when sampled in isolation, had only the faintest hint of meaty flavour. But still, it doesn't feel right to judge this on flavour. It's a big slab of food, that will fill almost anyone up for only £1.

I only finished half of it - I could have eaten more, but there didn't seem any point.


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Sweet and Sour Chicken

We eat Chinese food in our house several times a week. Even though sweet and sour chicken is not exactly Chinese food... I felt well qualified to judge this one. Considering the ridiculously low price, I was impressed to find that there were no reformed meat pieces in sight - this contained actual chicken (even if it had a texture of meat which has already been chewed and partially digested). There were also quite a few bits of vegetable in there which had somehow managed to remain chrunchy, despite being encased with orange gunk and buried in the freezer cabinet for the past year.

The first couple of mouthfuls didn't taste too bad, but after that, the overriding syrupy sweetness became a bit much. But I was hungry, and had neglected to buy any real food, so ended up eating over half of it.

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So, will I be visiting Iceland again any time soon? Unlikely. But I can see why people might use it when the food is this cheap. Of course, it helps if you don't really care what it tastes like.

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Bombay Potato Hash Browns

We all look online for recipes now and again - even experts such as myself. But after searching for hash brown recipes, I felt somewhat disappointed. All the recipes I saw were for pan-fried grated potato patties - which I'm sure taste great, but to me, that's a potato rosti, not a hash brown. I wanted to make the kind of hash brown you get at a greasy spoon, or with a McD's breakfast. The best way I can describe one of these hash browns would be finely diced potato, stuck together with "potato glue", and deep fried. It sounded doable.

But then I had a brainwave - to combine the hash brown with the flavour of everybody's favourite (well, certainly my favourite) potato dish, Bombay Potato. What I needed was one of these - a packet of "Bombay Potatoes recipe mix". Yes, you could of course use your own mix of spices, but I thought that the Schwarz mix had a certain comedy kitsch value. But despite finding plenty of evidence for this product's existence online, after searching three separate supermarkets, I still had not found it. The best I could do was a jar of Asda bombay potato curry paste.

So I made my "potato glue" out of mashed potato, flour, egg, and the bombay potato curry paste. This stuff was sticky and horrible - leaving it in the fridge to dry for a few hours helped a bit, but not much. But I added a bit more flour and some extra dried spices, and it was just about workable.

Next I diced some potatoes as finely as I could, and then tried to squeeze the moisture out using a rolling pin. It was a particularly satisfying experience to feel the little cubes of potato popping like bubble wrap. I mixed the diced potatoes with the "potato glue", formed the mixture into squares, and it was ready for deep frying.

Fresh, crisp hash browns, with a spicy curry flavour. A bit of mango chutney on the side, and you can't go wrong.

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Pancake Day - Cripsy Duck

What's the nation's favourite pancake filling/topping? Lemon and sugar? Maple syrup? Nutella? Nope. The UK's favourite pancake is the crispy duck pancake. Fact.

OK, so those thin steamed Chinese pancake thingies are a bit different from your average British pancake-day effort, but I see no reason not to combine the two. Although if you have any Chinese friends, they might possibly try to kill you when they discover this bastardisation of their cuisine.

I rubbed a duck leg with salt, sichuan pepper, and star anise. Then roasted it on a low temperature for two hours, until the meat was nice and tender.

I left the duck in the fridge until I was ready to eat it - at which point I dipped the legs in cornflour and fried them over a very high heat, in a mixture of vegetable oil and duck fat, until the skin was very crispy.

The meat fell off the bone effortlessly when shredded with a fork. Perfect when rolled between a pancake with cucumber, spring onion, and hoi sin sauce! And you have the added benefit of celebrating pancake day and Chinese New Year with one delicious meal.

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Onion Bhaji Sandwich

I'm going back to my roots. No baking, no recipes, just an old school sandwich. Onion Bhajis, with all the trimmings, between two slices of bread.


The Yellow Stuff

What exactly is that yellow sauce that comes with your poppadoms and other Indian starters? I don't even know what it's called, but I know that it is an essential component of an authentic curry house experience. And I reckon my version was pretty close to the real deal... yoghurt mixed with a bit of mint sauce, sugar, and turmeric.

The Salad

You know, the stuff in the little plastic bag that always seems to come with your takeaway. Slices of lettuce, onion, carrot, and always a wedge of lemon. Should there be a piece of tomato in there? How about coriander (in the classier establishments)? My memory was failing me. I decided that tomato just wouldn't be right for this sandwich, but coriander would probably go pretty well.

Construction

I thought that the perfect bread for this sandwich would be an artisan organic ciabatta. But then I saw that Saino's had some white sliced crap going cheap, so I got that instead.

Mango chutney on one slice, yellow stuff on the other. Broken up (and warmed up) onion bhajis in the middle, with the salad on top. A big squeeze of lemon, and a bit of salt and pepper.

This sandwich was, in all honesty, bloody delicious. Perhaps even better than a fish finger sandwich. Maybe I need to change the name of the blog.

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