"Vinda-vents"

It was something I'd been meaning to do for quite some time - make vindaloo filled vol au vents. I like curry, I like pie, I like curry pies, and I was quite proud of the "vindavent" portmanteau. Christmas seemed like a pretty good occasion to give these a go.

Obviously at Christmas, the meat of choice has to be Turkey. So I visited my local free range butcher and asked him to source for me the finest Turkey money could buy.

When it comes to curry, I do usually prefer to make mine from scratch. But time was short, so I settled for a jar of Pataks Vindaloo curry paste, which I thought would do the job. However, I did add some extra garlic and a couple of home-grown-dried chillies, just in case the paste wasn't powerful enough.

I cooked the curry in oven on a low temperature overnight. In the morning, I was glad to see that my meat of dubious origin was now nice and tender, and had completely fallen away from the bone. Separating out the pieces of bone and inedible gristle was a quick and simple job after this.

I cut out the vol au vent cases from a sheet of puff pastry, and of course, made little "hats" for the tops. When the pastry was almost cooked, I stuffed them with the curry and put them back in the oven.

 It was then time to rush them to the Band of Baker Christmas event, before they got cold!

I gotta say - the vindavents were pretty good, but needed more heat. I cursed the shop bought curry paste. The real stars of the evening were not one but TWO "Christmas pies". Turkey, stuffing, sausage, cranberry sauce and more crammed into a gargantuan pie crust. So if there sufficient leftovers after the Fishbiscuits Christmas dinner, I may well be making one of these myself.

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Curry Crisps

I used to love Salt n' Shake crisps - it's amazing how much more fun crisps seemed when the salt came in a separate sachet. But less well known were the 80s follow-up, 'Flavour 'n' Shake', where the little blue bag of salt was replaced with a pouch of powederd flavouring. I fondly remember combining different flavour sachets and pouring them into the packet, inevitably with revolting results.

 

So here is my homage to the Salt/Flavour 'n' Shake concept. First I made the crisps by thinly slicing potato and sweet potato, and then deep frying in vegetable oil until golden brown and very crispy.

 

I made the curry seasoning by roasting cumin, coriander seeds, mustard seeds, peppercorns and cardamon. I finely ground the roasted spices, and mixed in some salt and chilli powder... before putting the whole lot in a big bag and giving it a damn good shake!

Fresh home made crisps are simple, cheap, and taste bloody brilliant. I guess they could be a good opener at a dinner party, but I wouldn't really know - I just sat down with a nice cold beer in front of the TV, and scoffed the lot.

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Jalfrizza

Many years ago, a friend told me that you could make quick, tasty pizzas using naan bread as a base. And it's a tip which has served me well over the years - just spread with tomato paste, herbs, cheese, and whatever stuff you have lying around, and shove into the oven.

But today, I'm taking this concept a step further. Taking inspiration from this long-standing nugget of wisdom, I have created a brand new "recipe" - the Jalfrezi Pizza. To make a Jalfrizza, if you will need:

• Large garlic naan
• Chicken tikka jalfrezi (takeaway is perfect)
• Onion bhaji
• Paneer
• Tomato puree
• Coriander (optional)

To make the sauce for the pizza, separate out all the sauce you can from the curry, and mix with tomato puree. Then spread liberally over the bread.

Add a layer of paneer onto the pizza, then top with the pieces of meat, vegetables, and chilli from the jalfrezi. Finish with chunks of onion bhaji, and if you're feeling elaborate, some fresh coriander.

Put it in the oven at a pretty hot temperature for a few minutes - as a rough guide, at 220 for 10 minutes, it comes out a bit burned. Enjoy with a nice cold bottle of IPA (Indian Pizza Ale).

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Easter Eating pt2 - Easter Katsu Curry

Some say that eggs at Easter symbolise new life, and celebrate the resurrection.

Unfortunately I don't believe any of that old cobblers for one second, but I still love Easter. And since we all associate Easter with eggs and chicks and stuff, here's my second Easter dish - the chicken and egg katsu curry.

Katsu curry has become pretty well known in the UK thanks to certain ubiquitous Japanese-style chain restaurants, but I'm prepared to stick my neck out and claim that the chicken and egg katsu curry is a brand new invention!

I took a few chicken thigh fillets and three soft boiled eggs, then dipped them in seasoned flour, then beaten egg, and finally panko breadcrumbs. Then it was time to fry them - I cooked the chicken at a moderate temperature until golden brown, but the egg had to be cooked at full blast for just one minute to ensure it stayed runny.

Most people just make Japanese curry sauce from ready-made sauce "blocks" which, to be fair, is probably the most authentic method. But although it says "hot" on the packet, I can assure you it is anything but. So I spiced mine up a bit with some chilli, garlic, and cumin. I also added some sliced onions and grated carrot, because vegetables cancel out fried chicken.

What better way to remember Jesus and all that stuff?

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Weekend in Iceland

My little corner of South London has seen it's fair share of change over the last few years. Scruffy old man's pubs were slowly turned into bars and gastropubs. Cafes, delis and boutiques sprung up. A posh butcher and a fishmonger arrived, and familiar chain stores started to move in. And now, it looks like the long standing Iceland store is going to be transformed into an M&S "Simply Food", sparking much debate in the local community.

On one side of the fence, you can almost hear people gleefully rubbing their hands with the smug anticipation of rising house prices. Not to mention the prospect of loading up on seafood paella, "gastropub" chunky chips, superfood salads, and Belgian chocolate melt-in-the-middle puddings on their way home from work. None of these items, as far as I am aware, are available from Iceland. But others argue that Iceland is a valuable resource for those of us with less cash to spare.

I admit, I hadn't been inside the store in well over ten years. The only occasion I could remember was when I first arrived here, and I emerged with three packets of biscuits and some paper plates. But although I'm not a regular Iceland customer, I probably won't use the new M&S all that much either... so I'm open minded about the change. I decided to pay another visit to Iceland before it disappeared, so I could see what I'll be missing.

The in-store Experience

The shop has obviously not been updated in at least 25 years, the beige tiles and abundant orange trim are guaranteed to put off the chattering classes and image conscious young professionals. The front of the store has a small section of fresh fruit, veg and dairy, but this looked similar to any other supermarket, and the prices seemed no lower. This was not the reason for my visit. I walked over to the expansive frozen foods section... this was the stuff.

"Excuse me," I said meekly to an employee (with a strange residue around her mouth, as if she'd been drinking Yop straight from the bottle). "Where can I find the chicken tikka lasagne"?
"I dunno. Where do you normally find it?" came the rather bizzare answer.

Eventually I found what I was looking for, and also picked up a few other items that tickled my fancy. A doner kebab pizza. Microwavable chicken strips. Sweet and sour chicken (with rice) for one. Despite the fact that the store was almost deserted, the checkout queue was pretty slow as there was only one till open. But eventually I left the store with enough food for the weekend, for a grand total of £3.75. You would be hard pushed to buy a single meal in M&S for that sort of money.

Chicken Tikka Lasagne

I was getting hungry, and decided to start with the signature dish, chicken tikka lasagne. Despite the unsavoury memory of Kerry Katona advertising this on TV, I eagerly stuck it in the microwave for the recommended duration. It came out looking rather anemic, so I put it under the grill for a couple of minutes, and turned it out onto a plate.

First of all, any curry lover can see straight away that this does not even vaguely resemble chicken tikka. What we have between the layers of pasta is bog standard chicken curry, which would probably be fine as a jacket potato topping, for instance. But curry with cheese sauce is not a combination I would have personally put together (and that's saying something). Still, it is not as unpleasant as popular opinion would have you believe, and I actually ate most of it.

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Microwavable Chicken Strips

I was particularly cynical about this one. You simply pop open the box, and stick it in the microwave for three minutes. Surely they couldn't possibly emerge crispy? And guess what - they didn't. They came out limp, soggy, and chewy.

The reformed chicken pieces had the texture of polystyrene coated in porrige. I was reminded of the damp microwave chips my Mum used to give us as an after school "treat". They were a bad idea, and so was this. I only managed to eat 1 piece.

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Doner Kebab Pizza

This one actually sounded like something I might want to eat. I had a renewed enthusiasm for the doner kebab after my recent attempt at making my own, and saw no reason why it couldn't work on top of a pizza.

The pizza was of the "deep pan" variety, with an inch thick base of stodgy bread. It felt strangely nostalgic - this is the kind of food I was raised on. I guess that explains a lot. But it also reminded me how much British food has improved over the last 20 years. The cheese had the texture of melted cheese, but tasted of nothing. The doner kebab pieces, even when sampled in isolation, had only the faintest hint of meaty flavour. But still, it doesn't feel right to judge this on flavour. It's a big slab of food, that will fill almost anyone up for only £1.

I only finished half of it - I could have eaten more, but there didn't seem any point.


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Sweet and Sour Chicken

We eat Chinese food in our house several times a week. Even though sweet and sour chicken is not exactly Chinese food... I felt well qualified to judge this one. Considering the ridiculously low price, I was impressed to find that there were no reformed meat pieces in sight - this contained actual chicken (even if it had a texture of meat which has already been chewed and partially digested). There were also quite a few bits of vegetable in there which had somehow managed to remain chrunchy, despite being encased with orange gunk and buried in the freezer cabinet for the past year.

The first couple of mouthfuls didn't taste too bad, but after that, the overriding syrupy sweetness became a bit much. But I was hungry, and had neglected to buy any real food, so ended up eating over half of it.

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So, will I be visiting Iceland again any time soon? Unlikely. But I can see why people might use it when the food is this cheap. Of course, it helps if you don't really care what it tastes like.

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Bombay Potato Hash Browns

We all look online for recipes now and again - even experts such as myself. But after searching for hash brown recipes, I felt somewhat disappointed. All the recipes I saw were for pan-fried grated potato patties - which I'm sure taste great, but to me, that's a potato rosti, not a hash brown. I wanted to make the kind of hash brown you get at a greasy spoon, or with a McD's breakfast. The best way I can describe one of these hash browns would be finely diced potato, stuck together with "potato glue", and deep fried. It sounded doable.

But then I had a brainwave - to combine the hash brown with the flavour of everybody's favourite (well, certainly my favourite) potato dish, Bombay Potato. What I needed was one of these - a packet of "Bombay Potatoes recipe mix". Yes, you could of course use your own mix of spices, but I thought that the Schwarz mix had a certain comedy kitsch value. But despite finding plenty of evidence for this product's existence online, after searching three separate supermarkets, I still had not found it. The best I could do was a jar of Asda bombay potato curry paste.

So I made my "potato glue" out of mashed potato, flour, egg, and the bombay potato curry paste. This stuff was sticky and horrible - leaving it in the fridge to dry for a few hours helped a bit, but not much. But I added a bit more flour and some extra dried spices, and it was just about workable.

Next I diced some potatoes as finely as I could, and then tried to squeeze the moisture out using a rolling pin. It was a particularly satisfying experience to feel the little cubes of potato popping like bubble wrap. I mixed the diced potatoes with the "potato glue", formed the mixture into squares, and it was ready for deep frying.

Fresh, crisp hash browns, with a spicy curry flavour. A bit of mango chutney on the side, and you can't go wrong.

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